| So...today...Hmm...well let's see. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't fantastic. Got up and felt pretty good. Went into school, the day started fine. Then Kelsey got upset because Aya was upset with her, Kelsey had been with her mother at the hospital, and blah blah blah blah....Aya got mad at her when she came back for some reason unknown. *shrugs* and then I met up with Ellen and we went to History together, we wacthed a sad movie...It made me remember some things....That I didn't want to remember. Then Science comes, failed that test...I thought it was a quiz...no..he made it a test...*sighs* I felt so dazed, even in the begining of History... almost cried....Stopped myself, and then went into a deep state of thought about everything in science...I felt so out of it. Then came Keyboarding...I missed the entire last paragraph..I was like "goddammit." and then Lunch was okay...I felt sick to eat...but I ate something anyway. Jared came over and sat with us. Sixth period, Theo, felt sick to my stomach, I regretted eating...it made me feel worse. We get to use the study guide on the test. Made me a little happier. Seventh period, Its math...I hate and suck at math. last but not least. Eighth period, Art. Wasn't bad. I felt shitty. Then after school, I snuck up behind Lorre and put my hands over his eyes and he a long time he didn't say anything. so I uncovered them, and he looked behind and smiled cause he knew it was me. =3 that made me feel a little better. Then his bus came and I hugged him and he went on his merry way... Then when I was standing with Ellen, my knees started shaking...and I felt like I was gonna fall and wouldn't be able to get up. and I almost did when we got to the lobby...ugh... Came home. While doing my hair, Opera was on talking about depression. I was like "great" and never the less mom asked me "Well how are you doing these days?" and I looked at her and I said "Fine" and she was like "Linds, why don't you go see someone, it would help you, and everyone around you" and I said "NO! I don't want someone who doesn't even know me to tell me how I should feel. I'm fine, and when I'm not, I fight it, till its gone..." and it all went silent.and then I added "Besides, I don't need help to get over MY problems" and she said "But, listen, these people were worse then you, and they got help and look at them now, they're so much better" and I just sat there and all I said was "No, I don't need it" and she just sighed. Meg went to Canadia. Yep. To see the RR....and supposedly he's coming back with her. *sighs* I dunno...I'm a little scared to even get close to him...I'm even more afraid for her...she's on her way there as I type this...I said goodbye to her this morning....I really didn't want her going alone...I didn't like it one bit...I wanted to go with her, but I have school, and exams. I hope she comes back...happy...I hope she'll be okay...I think I might even pray for her.... So basically, I think Ellen and Audra are catching on to my depression...One of them after every class will ask "So, how are you doing?" or "You doing okay?" so....yeh....I think everyone has noticed at least a little...and I'm terrible at lying...I don't really know what's bothering me...so I blame it on my cold. It works cause its half right...its better then aying "I dunno, I'm just in a depressing state right now..." Maybe I just...*sighs*...want everything to be okay, but its getting worse the more I try to make it better. I hate being depressed...Absolutely hate it. Only because I don't want my friends worrying about me this much. I don't like it when my friends worry about me, makes me feel bad. So here was an update to my life. Its not like people even read this anyway....-.-...So I'll update sometime or another. Later! |
